Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
