Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
