The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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