upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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