Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
