Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
