Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
