remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
