the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
