I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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