did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
