dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
