party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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