Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Two words: blizzard sex
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
