there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
