and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
