You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
