i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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