oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm too high and old for this...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
