Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
