before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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