Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
