i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
