If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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