Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
