I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
