Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
