We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
