My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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