When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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