i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
