We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
