just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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