i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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