it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Farmville is her only friend.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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