Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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