She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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