The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
