The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
