woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
