how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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