oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
