You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
