Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
