i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am mentally ready for anal.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
