he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
