are you still at the devil's house?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
