i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
