She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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