Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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