wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
