I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
