Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
