yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
