We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
