Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It all started with a game of naked twister.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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