Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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