My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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