Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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