i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
