I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hippo gnu deer
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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