In the future we'll all be gay
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Semen is not good for contacts.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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