i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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