he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
