Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
