new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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